I don't know what to say

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If you ask me
I don't know what to say
was it, love?
or we were just passing our day
It's not been that long
it's not been a while
I have erased you from my system
I can't find your file
I look at the photos
and try to reminisce
you feel like a stranger
Boy! did we create a mess!

If you ask me
I don't know what to say
was it, love?
or we were just passing our day
I don't ask questions
I know life's unfair
I came with a warning
Should've handled with care!
You came to my mind
a little while back
when I couldn't park my car
the one driving skill I lack!

If you ask me
I don't know what to say
was it, love?
or we were just passing our day










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All time highs

The Room of Forgotten Things

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Last week, I had a really lovely dream and woke up nostalgic and happy, with almost a smile. Context: I took a week-long break from work, so my mind was quite at ease and not worrying about meetings and deliverables.  Alright, so coming back to my dream. I am in my college room (the one I lived in during my 3rd year). I was maybe visiting campus or coming back after a break, but that wasn't very clear to me. Alright, so I am in my room, and it is very cluttered and full of things such as books, photographs, clothes, guitars, harmoniums, pens, notebooks with a clothing line going right through the middle of the room, and whatnot.  As I took a closer look at the things in the room and checked the cupboard, it started returning to me. These are things that I have lost or forgotten about, all sitting in that room for me to discover and explore. There is a pile of books, and atop is a Manchester United book that I had gifted my husband last year on his birthday while we were in Goa...
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Heat packs and Hindsight

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In my 20s, I was blessed, Whiskey nights and zero rest. Functioning with no sleep Sleep deprived, but perfect knees I track my protein like buried gold, Count my steps like I’m told Gone are they days of stale fries Holding her back *aru cries* By 9pm my body is drained Oh another muscle is sprained. Did I get enough fiber this week?  Going to cult is my only streak! Once I lived on Maggi and junk A quarter of whiskey also drunk Ohh flaxseeds, chia, nuts too, Honestly, who even are you? So here’s to aging, pain and grace, Tracking health like it’s a race. But deep inside, I’m still that vibe— Just now with heat packs by my side. 
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I know all the good parking spots!

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When you live in a city long enough, you get to know the ins and the outs of the place. What are the best places to get some ice-cream at 2 in the night, where can you get a decent cup of coffee, which movie theatre has the best popcorn and so on. You make a little black book. I've written about this in another post of mine, I think it's called a little black book. And when you move to a new place, you don't know anything at all, it takes time to crack these codes unless someone has done those for you already, like with Bangalore, I already knew the best places because a friend, (let's call her the one who fed us to our heart's content) for us had already been there before me for a good six months or Goa before that, where we had a hoard of seniors guiding us. I did not have the initial period where you don't really know if you're going to work or not with a city before. This time moving to Gurgaon, a city I have come to love for many a reason, was a bl...
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Covid 19, 20, 21?

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So, what has brought me back to this blog after a while? The increasing number of cases and hence a little bit of panic. I got covid myself back in November end. It was bad, but I was with friends, so we managed. Since it had been about 4 odd months, I decided to get myself tested for anti-bodies, and voila I still have them Despite this, I am anxious. There is nervousness in the air people. Let me list down the reasons for my current distress and panic Reading tweets of people's brushes with covid My aunt's entire family got covid recently The building that I live in has 29 odd cases of covid. Of the 30 floors we have, 9 have covid patients. So literally, living with covid Dad went to buy medicines, the shops were out of crocin and glucose. Extremely basic medication I cannot, simply cannot live like we did last year. Holed up in our houses. The thought of having to do that again send a shiver down my spine The 2,75+ lakh/ day reported cases of covid in the country. So we are ...
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Small talk problems

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I am so very bad at making small talk The sick I frighten, the elderly I mock. Why isn’t “Hey, Good morning!” enough Why do you ask me what is up? I just smile and say nothing much Showing my teeth, my phone I clutch Why do we have to follow this charade? This is the reason earphones were made! You do your thing, and I’ll do mine If you wanna talk, let meet over wine I am so very bad at making small talk The sick I frighten, the elderly I mock.
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Reclaiming Pink On Our Own Terms.

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For many of us women, the imposition of pink in our childhood felt unwelcome. It wasn’t just that pink was the color assigned to girls or that we looked undeniably cute in it—it was what the color stood for. It marked us as different from the boys, a quiet but constant reminder that we were expected to be softer, gentler—or maybe, weaker. The words “you throw like a girl” or “stop crying like a girl” reinforced this narrative, reducing our identity to something lesser, something to be corrected. People treated us differently. Everyone treated us differently. Boys were allowed to be just that—boys. But we, the girls, had limits. No one expected the boys to help with ghar ka kaam , but we were encouraged—no, expected —to absorb these values from an early age. We weren’t supposed to be rowdy, loud, or “boisterous.” We were taught to be quiet, calm, and graceful. Pretty. Pretty in pink. Over time, I started to detach from pink, pushing away everything it symbolized—everything associa...
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Let's Start Small

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In the last year, I have come to realize a few things about myself. Or maybe I have changed and these things are a part of the new and improved Shiro. If any of you have been following my blog, a year ago catastrophe struck and I packed up my bags and moved away, closer to home. I believe we can never heal in the environment we were hurt in, so I left and decided to change my life and everything I didn't like about it. It has been a little over a year since I left 2063. The house I had found after 2 months of roaming around the streets of Bellandur and made my home. The house I loved, with its twinkly lights, the balcony overlooking the lake, and the plethora of bean bags lying around everywhere. I loved everything about it. It was my home. I felt at peace there. Okay go getting back to the point,  what I have realized about myself is that I like to be placed into challenging positions. It makes me stronger. Somehow over the last year, I have transformed into the sword of Gry...
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#6 Five ways to win your heart

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I am a pretty easy person to impress. It honestly doesn't take a lot. I don't look for material things, so you don't really have to plan extravagant dates for me to have a good time. Good conversation is all I need.  Remembering the little things? This is a good way of winning me over. When someone remembers the small details about things I might have told them randomly and they end up remembering those things, it makes my heart smile. It goes on to say that not only was that person actually listening to you but they cared enough to remember those things. Or it might not even be something I told them, something that they just observed themselves. Empathy goes a long way. When someone uses the pronoun we as in "we will figure this out", this instils a sense of belonging in me. A feeling of not being alone. A feeling that my problems are not mine alone, they are in it with me. And that they want me to help them solve their problems in life, they want me to be a part...
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The poles are shifting

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I am a person who doesn't care much for routines, but there is one thing that I have stuck to since I was 15ish I think. Never sleep before 12 in the night. In school, it was to study, so fair point. And in college, sleeping at 12 would mean that you miss out on some major fun in the hostel. So over the years, I have become used to sleeping not before let's say 2am on an average. And after college. when I started working, that just stuck with me. Watching movies, chatting with friends, finishing off work or reading a book. Even though I had to get up early to go to the office the next day, I would still stay up late into the night. In fact, at one point, I felt like the sleep police. I wouldn't let anyone sleep before the clock struck 12. I don't know, I was maybe trying to stretch our college lives a little longer. I would always say that it was a sin to sleep before 12 or something like you have 10 good years before you have a kid and you will have to get up earl...
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"30 Days of Notice Period" - #14

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#14 A picture of you and your family This is a photo of the Pandey family from about a month ago when we were all in different cities, actually different states and in my brother's case a different country altogether.   Again, I couldn't find any recent pictures so this will have to do. I know this is a weird picture, but sorry this will have to do. I will maybe update it in December when we all get together.  We are an extremely tight bunch, the five of us. We discuss everything from bad breakups to why the Modi government isn't performing well enough. That is the best part of my family. I don't have to think twice about telling them anything. I don't have to hide anything from them and believe me that has made life much easier. There is no concept of personal space between us. We constantly interfere in each other's lives, giving advice, making fun of each other and also fighting like hell sometimes.  My family I think is the best part about me. ...
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