#8 Share something you struggle with

One word. Confidence. This is something I have struggled with all my life and still do. Though to a significantly less extent, but I do. As a matter of fact, I have been struggling to write this post for a while now. 

To put it in professional terms, I struggle with "visibility". I sort of always have, even outside the realm of consulting. I was never a quiet kid though. But that changed back in 2005 when we moved from Lucknow to Noida. I wasn't really able to adjust well with my new classmates I guess or maybe that was when puberty was just hitting and that is not a good phase for anyone. But since then, I became quiet, sort of reserved. I became friends with books. Went to the chocolate factory with Charlie, solved crimes with the famous five, hung out with the Wakefield Twins from Sweet Valley High and even went to the top of Mount Everest with Sir Edmund Hilary. Ohh and waited and hoped for my letter from Hogwarts. 

I became this quiet little girl, who was good at math, had a few close friends and a lot of books. I became unseen, sort of invisible. And that became the way of life. Even when I wanted to be seen, when I wanted the attention and the spotlight, I didn't, couldn't get it. I remember back in college, the coffee drinking gujju told me this, "It feels like no one has given you a lot of facetime", and he was right. A college kid who barely knew me was so spot on. It didn't take him long to figure it out. 

However, so yes, I struggle with invisibility. I struggled with this a bit more after college ended in my personal and professional life. I sorted this issue out in my personal life. I stopped trying to seek attention. If someone were genuinely interested, they could make a little more effort with me. I went back to my little cosy corner of books, movies, a lot of music and writing. I am happy here. 

Not so much in my professional life. With the way, the world is structured now, it is not the correct but the loudest voice that wins. People don't have the patience anymore to listen to people, they want things yelled at them, and whoever managed to yell the loudest gets to be right. And secondly, you might be a doctor, a consultant, a writer, a lawyer, but first, you are a salesman. In this world, you gotta sell yourself. You have to know the right tips and tricks to create "visibility" to be known by important people. I honestly I am the opposite of both these things. And sadly, the professional world doesn't accept me with my cosy corner, I gotta be loud, I gotta have an impact, I gotta have visibility. So I am trying. I am trying to be the kind of person that thrives in the jungle we live in today. It is taking time, but I am trying.